Make expectations explicit
Duties, boundaries & house rules
A good household working relationship is easier when the employee knows what the job includes, what the household considers private, which practical rules matter, and how either side should raise a concern. Write down the recurring expectations instead of relying on hints or assumptions.
How do you set expectations with a nanny or housekeeper?
Separate the employment terms from the household operating rules. The role should already state the recurring duties, normal hours and pay. House rules then explain how the work happens in your home: privacy, access, phone use, visitors, photographs, food, driving, keys, household equipment and how changes or concerns should be discussed.
Keep the rules proportionate to the role. A rule is useful when it protects safety, privacy, clarity or a genuine household need. A long list of personal preferences can become harder to follow than a smaller set of priorities with a clear reason behind each one.
Use five headings for a practical household rules document.
This keeps important expectations distinct instead of blending them into one catch-all list.
Recurring duties and priorities
State the normal work, the frequency that matters, and what takes priority when tasks compete. Link the rules back to the job description rather than creating a second, conflicting version of the role.
Information, photographs and private spaces
Explain which rooms, documents, conversations, images or household information should remain private. Apply privacy both ways: the household should also respect the employee's personal information and private time.
Keys, alarms, deliveries and visitors
Set out how access works, who may enter the property, what to do with deliveries, and who should be contacted if a key, alarm or security issue arises.
Phone use, food, smoking, driving and household property
Only include rules that are relevant to the work or home. Make the expected standard specific enough to understand without turning the document into a list of trivial preferences.
Questions, changes and concerns
Agree what can be raised by message, what needs a conversation, who gives instructions, and when a change to the routine or job should be discussed before it takes effect.
Do not use house rules to expand the job description.
A household preference is not automatically a new recurring duty.
If the employee was hired for childcare and child-related duties, adding general family laundry, deep cleaning or regular cooking through a house-rules sheet changes the substance of the role. The same applies when a housekeeper is suddenly expected to provide childcare or extensive driving that was not part of the agreed job.
Keep one canonical description of the role. The house-rules document should explain how that role operates in the home. If the work itself changes materially, use the appropriate employment-change process once that change is ready to be agreed and documented.
Privacy should work in both directions.
Domestic staff work inside personal space, but that does not remove their own boundaries.
Be specific about genuinely private information.
Explain expectations around photographs, social media, visitors, confidential documents, home-security information and sensitive household conversations where they are relevant to the role.
Protect personal time and belongings.
For live-in staff especially, define off-duty periods and private accommodation. Do not treat residence in the home as permanent availability.
Use the same communication standard.
A concern should be raised directly and factually rather than discussed through other staff, children or visitors. Clear escalation routes reduce gossip and misunderstandings.
Live-in roles need additional boundaries around space and off-duty time.
Living in the workplace creates practical overlap that a live-out arrangement does not.
- Which accommodation is private to the employee and when it can be accessed by others.
- Which kitchen, laundry or household spaces are shared outside working hours.
- When the employee is off duty and should not be interrupted except for a genuine emergency.
- How guests, visitors or overnight stays are handled, if the household needs a rule.
- Where personal food or belongings are stored and which household facilities are included.
- How travel, overnight work or changes to the normal routine are agreed in advance.
From our work: we separate the role brief from the household operating details.
The current Filipino Domestic Services matching process asks households to define the role, recurring duties, working pattern, live-in or live-out arrangement and practical requirements before candidate introductions. That makes it possible to distinguish the actual job from the home-specific information someone needs after they start.
We use that distinction because problems appear quickly when the role is described one way at interview but the household rules quietly add another layer of permanent work. A useful house-rules document explains access, communication, privacy and routines. It should not become a back door for expanding the job.
When a household asks us about a placement issue, one of the first useful comparisons is therefore the original brief versus the current expectation. If the duties are the same but the operating detail was unclear, the answer may be better communication. If the work itself has changed, the answer is not another rule; it is a conversation about the changed job.
That distinction also supports retention. People can adapt to different household preferences when those preferences are clear and proportionate. It is much harder to sustain a role when the definition of the job changes through a series of informal additions.
Review the rules after the first week, then only when the household changes.
Stable expectations are easier to follow than a document rewritten every few days.
Use the first-week review to remove rules that proved unnecessary, clarify anything that was ambiguous and record the small number of items both sides genuinely need to remember. After that, revisit the document when the household routine, live-in arrangement or role changes materially.
For formal employment terms, GOV.UK and Acas distinguish written employment particulars from general onboarding. If pay, hours or another main term changes, the change should be handled through the appropriate employment process rather than buried in a household-rules update. This is general information, not individual legal advice.
Questions about duties and house rules.
Should house rules be written down?
Yes, where the rules are important enough to affect privacy, safety, access or the normal working relationship. A short written list reduces ambiguity. Keep it separate from the job description so household operating details do not accidentally become a second version of the role.
Can I set rules about phone use?
You can set reasonable expectations where phone use affects safety, childcare, privacy or completion of the agreed work. Explain the reason and apply the rule proportionately rather than trying to control every personal use during breaks or off-duty time.
Can I tell domestic staff not to post photographs from my home?
A household can set a clear privacy rule about photographs, social media and identifiable household information. The safest approach is to state the expectation directly and consistently rather than assuming it is obvious.
What should live-in staff be allowed to do when off duty?
Off-duty time should be genuinely off duty. Agree practical rules for private accommodation and shared household spaces, but residence in the home should not be treated as continuous availability.
What if I need to add new regular duties?
Discuss the proposed change rather than adding it to the house-rules list. If duties, hours or pay are changing materially, use the proper contract-change process and record what is agreed. This is general information, not personalised legal advice.
How often should house rules be reviewed?
Review them after the employee has had enough time to use them in practice, then when the household or role changes. Constantly changing rules make expectations harder to understand and can create the impression that the job itself is always moving.
Sources and scope.
This framework is grounded in the current FDS household-brief and post-placement process. Employment-term points use current official guidance. This is general information, not personalised legal advice.
Clear expectations need a review rhythm.
Once duties and boundaries are written down, use regular check-ins to see whether the arrangement is working.